I’m a really warped person sometimes. I like to watch shows about the paranormal, and I’m not really sure why.
I was watching “Ghost Adventures” last night (they had a marathon) and it finally occurred to me why I watch the shows.
“Drama”
Ghost Lab is no more. At least as far as I can tell. I don’t go out of my way to look for this one because it was almost a copy of Ghost Hunters.
Ghost Hunters has the majority of my respect, as far as these shows go. The drama you find there is between the cast members/investigators, and is of an interpersonal type. As in, they don’t always get along. I like watching the re-runs because when Brian would fuck up, it was with stellar epicness (although, I must admit, I’m glad he isn’t in the new episodes). Steve has a laid back attitude, but I’m fairly sure you don’t want to try to give him any shit. There is a bad-boy lurking under those tats.
Jason and Grant (and Steve…I’m a big Steve fan) bring dignity and a healthy dose of skepticism to the field. Despite what the nay-sayers wibble about, and the rumors…I like the fact that this crew goes in with the thought that a place isn’t haunted, and they try to rule everything out. They are not “orb chasers”. Win.
Ghost Adventures ranks a 9.5 on the entertainment scale. Zak is hot, but woah, drama queen much? I wonder how much true paranormal stuff they miss because they are too busy yelling at each other with the “DID YOU HEAR THAT??!?!?!?!!?!?!?!” and “WHAT WAS THAT? DID YOU SEE THAT?!?!?!!!!!!” and of course, all the bleeping that gets done because their potty mouth is worse than mine.
Oh, and what’s up with that funny box thing that “translates” what the dearly departed are saying? Yeah. If it was THAT good at its job, I’m sure that Steve Gonsalves would have one in his arsenal. The box reminds me of a Speak n Spell. Well, at least sounds like it, anyway.
Now on to probably the most epic of all epic paranormal shows: Most Haunted.
My friends will tell you how hard it is to get to a “10″ on my entertainment scale. In fact, it is almost impossible, but. Most Haunted gets a 10 on the entertainment scale.
If you watch an episode (or get lucky and find a marathon) you can turn it into a drinking game, because of it’s predictability.
1 drink for:
- Every time Yvette gets bleeped.
- Someone says “did you feel that?”
- Someone screams and clings to another party member like velcro.
- Someone gets “touched” by an unseen hand.
- Something they left in another room gets broken, moved, or molested and there was no camera to catch it.
- The psychic gets something right and gives someone goosebumps.
- There is so much chaos that all you see is a blur of white, black, and green, because of the night vision cameras.
2 drinks for:
- Every time Yvette screams.
- Every time someone else screams and then cries.
- Every time the table moves when they are having a seance.
3 drinks for:
- Every time you see a camera shot that is not an extreme closeup shot of someone’s face. (As in, you can count the boogers in their nose closeup.)
I guarantee you’ll be fucked up enough at the end of a single show to want to ghost hunt on your own…and scare yourself stupid in the process. You have to take three drinks for the shots that don’t include the extreme closeups because they are so rare. Nary an epsiode doesn’t go by when you actually get to see what they are investigating, because they have their night vision cameras turned to their own pretty faces. (Note to Yvette: Please, for the love of all things holy…LESS EYELINER. You look like a raccoon.)
Do you know who I miss on the Most Haunted team? I miss Derek Acorah and his little friend “Sam”. Oh how I miss them. Out of the pair, Sam seemed more normal than Derek, but I loved the overacting. I loved the drama the two of them brought to the show.
Most Haunted and Ghost Adventures amuse me to no end. They ask for a sign or a noise or a knock, and then have siezures when they get it. They scream, cry, have fits, and yell in mock astonishment when they hear (or supposedly see) something out of the ordinary.
If I was forced to pick one team and one team only to ever meet in person, it would be the Ghost Hunters team. I have the most respect for them, even if they don’t rank a 10 on the entertainment scale. These guys don’t yell/cry/wail/flail/panic/pee their pants over anything they aren’t expecting. They have a better chance of catching something than the other shows. The other shows….scream. A lot. They probably miss 90% of what could possibly be there because of their meltdowns when they do hear something.
I was watching Most Haunted one night about a year ago, and my son came in the room with a deer in the headlights look on his face. He was scared to death. He thought Most Haunted was *real*.
I made him sit down with me until the commercial came on, and then we discussed how hard it would be for someone not listed in the credits and JUST out of camera range to knock on the wall. Or moan. Or break that glass they left on the table. Or sit under the table and move it at JUST the right time.
I then explained how magnets can be used under the table to move things around, or fishing line attached to something and pulled at the right moment to make it look like something moved on its own.
He quickly calmed down.
Now please don’t sit there and think I’m all that skeptic. I’ve had my own experiences, most I won’t discuss – ever – but I have had my own. I used to live in a house where the former and deceased homeowner was still hanging around. Other people experienced my precious Myrtle also, including my former minister. I just find “reality” shows amusing because of what can be created off camera for the sake of ratings.
Have fun drinking along with the Most Haunted show. Have fun laughing at the big muscle boys of Ghost Adventures when they have panic attacks and overact over what may or may not be there.
Most of all, enjoy the skepticism that is Ghost Hunters, and if you ever meet those guys in person, tell em Precious says hi.
